Category Archives: causes of premature ejaculation

causes of premature ejaculation, shadow wok

Shadow Work As A Cure for Premature Ejaculation

How Shadow Work Can Help with Premature Ejaculation

Alright, let’s get real here. Premature ejaculation (PE) can make you feel like a failure in bed, but this shouldn’t be the way it is. You’re not broken, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you for having this common issue, and nothing at wrong with finding a solution. In fact, PE is way more common than you think. That said, PE can bring up a whole mix of emotions: frustration, embarrassment, shame, anxiety, or even feelings of failure. This is where shadow work comes in. Shadow work is a powerful tool for self-discovery and healing that might just change the game for you. Coming too fast, and want to know what  shadow work is? OK. Let’s break it down.

What is Shadow Work?

Shadow work is a term coined by Carl Jung, a psychologist who talked a lot about the “shadow self.” This shadow self is essentially all the stuff we hide from ourselves and others—our insecurities, fears, suppressed emotions, and even desires we’re too ashamed to admit. It’s the parts of us we shove into the mental junk drawer because they feel too uncomfortable or inconvenient to deal with.

Shadow work involves intentionally exploring that junk drawer, pulling out what’s inside, and figuring out how it impacts your life. Instead of running from the shadow, you turn around, face it, and say, “Alright, what do you have to teach me?” Once you know that, you can actually begin to clean out the junk!

How Does This Connect to Premature Ejaculation?

Premature ejaculation isn’t just a physical issue—it’s always tied to deeper mental and emotional issues. Sure, there’s biology involved, but stress, anxiety, shame, and unresolved emotional baggage can fuel the fire. Shadow work is like a flashlight for those hidden layers. By working through them, you might uncover the underlying causes that contribute to PE and begin to rewire how you approach intimacy, emotions, and even your own body.

Video – the causes and cures of premature ejaculation

Here are  a few key areas where shadow work might help you in a search for a cure for PE

Unpacking Shame and Self-Judgment

One of the biggest challenges with PE is the shame that often comes with it. Society puts a ton of pressure on men to perform a certain way in the bedroom—long-lasting, confident, in control. When things don’t go as expected, it’s easy to spiral into self-doubt or think, “What’s wrong with me?”

Shadow work asks you to sit with that shame instead of running from it. What’s behind it? Maybe you have a fear of being judged or rejected by a partner. Maybe you’ve internalized toxic ideas about masculinity. Or maybe you’re just really hard on yourself in general.

When you dig into those feelings, you might realize they’re based on old beliefs that no longer serve you. Shadow work gives you the chance to challenge those beliefs and replace them with more compassionate ones. Instead of thinking, “I’m failing as a man,” you might shift to, “I’m learning how to better connect with myself and my partner.”

Video – shadow work and sexual issues (including premature ejaculation)

Addressing Anxiety and Overthinking

Let’s be honest—PE can often feel like a vicious cycle. You’re worried it’s going to happen, and then the worry makes it all the more likely to happen. It’s like trying to fall asleep while panicking about not sleeping. That’s where anxiety “takes hold of the wheel of the bus”, as the saying has it; shadow work can help you take back that control. Anxiety often comes from unacknowledged fears or past experiences that keep replaying in your head. Through shadow work, you can explore questions like:

  • When did I first start feeling this way about sex or my performance?
  • Are there other areas of my life where I feel pressure to perform or prove myself?
  • What am I truly afraid of happening if I can’t “last longer”?
  • Sometimes, you might trace your anxiety back to a specific moment—a harsh comment from a past partner, unrealistic expectations you’ve internalized, or even non-sexual stress bleeding into the bedroom. Once you identify the source, you can begin to dismantle its power over you.

Exploring Emotional Suppression

A lot of men grow up learning to suppress emotions—anger, sadness, fear, vulnerability. Somewhere along the line, society taught you that feeling deeply (especially grief) isn’t “manly,” and so you learned to shove those emotions down.

But here’s the thing: suppressed emotions don’t disappear. They sit under the surface, often showing up in unexpected ways, like in your body. PE could be one of those ways—your body might be reacting to unprocessed emotions you haven’t let yourself fully feel.

Shadow work invites you to reconnect with those emotions. What are you really feeling when you’re with your partner? Excitement? Fear of letting them down? Maybe even a mix of both? By allowing yourself to feel those emotions without judgment, you can start to release the tension they create.

Reclaiming Your Sexual Energy

Your sexual energy is a big part of who you are as a man, but if you’ve struggled with premature ejaculation, you might have a complicated relationship with that sexual energy. Maybe you avoid thinking about it altogether because it feels frustrating or shameful. Maybe you rush through sex and intimacy because you’re afraid of “messing up.” Shadow work can help you reclaim that energy and approach it with curiosity and care. Here are some questions you might try asking yourself:

  • How do I really feel about my sexual energy and desires?
  • Have I ever been taught to feel guilty or ashamed about my sexuality?
  • What would it look like to fully embrace my sexual self, flaws and all?

As you work through these questions, you might discover that PE isn’t just a “problem” to fix—it’s also an opportunity to connect more deeply with yourself and your partner.

Strengthening Intimacy and Vulnerability

Shadow work isn’t just about you; it can also improve how you show up in your relationships. Premature ejaculation can create a lot of tension in the bedroom, but it’s also an opportunity to build intimacy and trust with your partner.

Instead of avoiding the topic or pretending it doesn’t exist, shadow work can help you be honest and vulnerable about your feelings. It might feel terrifying at first, but sharing your struggles can actually strengthen your connection. When you let your partner see the real you—shadow and all—you open the door to deeper understanding and support.

How to Start Shadow Work

Okay, so shadow work sounds pretty deep, but how do you actually do it? Here are a few beginner-friendly steps:

Journal About Your Feelings

Start by writing down your thoughts about PE—everything you feel, think, or fear about it. Don’t censor yourself. The goal is to let your subconscious speak.

Ask Reflective Questions

  • What triggers my anxiety or shame during intimacy?
  • What beliefs about sex and masculinity did I pick up growing up?
  • How do I respond when I feel vulnerable or “not enough”?

And so on.

Practice Self-Compassion

As you uncover uncomfortable truths, remind yourself: you’re human. Shadow work isn’t about judging yourself—it’s about understanding and healing. Read more about mindful self-compassion here.

Seek Support

If things get overwhelming, consider talking to a therapist, coach, or counsellor who specializes in shadow work or emotional healing and sexuality. 

Meditate and Visualize

Use mindfulness practices to sit with your emotions. Visualize yourself embracing your shadow, not fighting it.

In Conclusion

Hopefully by now you’re feeling more optimistic, and coming to see that premature ejaculation isn’t a life sentence—it’s a signal, right here, right now. Suppose your body is trying to tell you something deeper? Well, shadow work is one way to listen. By exploring the emotional and psychological layers behind rapid ejaculation, you can not only address the issue but also grow as a person. You’ll build a stronger connection with yourself, your partner, and your sexuality.

At the end of the day, shadow work is about self-love. It’s about embracing every part of you—the light, the dark, and everything in between. And trust me, when you do that, the confidence, control, and peace you’re looking for will follow.

causes of premature ejaculation

Causes of Low Bedroom Endurance

What Causes A Man To Come Quickly?

If you’re a man struggling with premature ejaculation, you might be wondering what’s actually causing it.

Search the Internet, and you’ll quickly find lots of reasons put forward to explain the origin of poor male stamina, but while there is a lot of speculation, there aren’t many hard facts.

One thing we can say is that all cases of poor stamina and low endurance in the bedroom fall into one of two causes: psychological or emotional causes (aka psychogenic), and the physical causes (also known as organic).

To be quite honest, I think we can dismiss the physical causes of rapid ejaculation pretty quickly because although there’s been a lot of scientific research done on things like hypersensitivity of the penis, the truth is that there is absolutely no evidence whatsoever that rapid orgasm in men is caused by physical factors.

Video: The causes of premature ejaculation

To say that a man has a hypersensitive penis is fairly meaningless because it’s the brain that processes the nerve impulses from the penis. (Those nerve impulses cause a man’s sexual arousal to increase and they eventually trigger his ejaculatory reflex).

A man’s sexual arousal may rise too quickly, too high for him to contain his climax.

This is what happens to many men who experience poor staying power, low endurance and rapid ejaculation. But you can’t say this is happening because his penis is sending too many nerve impulses, or because the threshold of excitability of his nervous system is too low.

All you can say for certain is that his brain is causing him to get aroused too quickly and triggering his ejaculation reflex too soon!

(Although of course exactly what “too soon” means is another matter altogether. In evolutionary terms, rapid ejaculation is probably no bad thing; I mean, who wants to get killed by a predator when they are fucking! But nowadays it’s bad for the human female because she remains unsatisfied after intercourse.)

Even analyzing brain chemistry, and finding that men who ejaculate quickly have higher or lower levels of serotonin than men who do not means nothing.

What does masculinity mean to you?

When a man is emotionally aroused – i.e. excited, nervous, angry, or feeling any other high level of emotion – his nervous system is already on high alert even before he starts receiving sexual stimulation.

It’s no wonder that in such a situation a man who is anxious or angry or even just very excited tips over the point of ejaculatory inevitability too quickly.

Masturbation Style May Be Important

You could perhaps argue, as some experts have done, that premature ejaculation is a behavioral or learned response, for example in response to furtive and rapid masturbation as an adolescent.

This suggests that a boy can “train” his body to respond far too quickly to sexual stimulation – and he goes on responding that way as a man……

Sure, this seems like a plausible argument. For some men.

But for most men, there is an emotional factor controlling a man’s ejaculation speed (at least in part).

So learning how to last longer, in other words, discovering how to increase sexual endurance and develop greater staying power means learning how to cope with receiving high level (or high-intensity) sexual stimulation without “popping” too soon.

And to be quite honest, that is one of the easiest things of all about learning ejaculatory control.

Sidebar: One of the problems here is that men sometimes think they can learn how to last longer in bed with a pill or potion, a herbal remedy or a delay cream. The truth is that none of those things actually work.

Video – how to deal with PE

ENJOYING YOUR RELATIONSHIP

A large proportion of the pills and potions sold on the Internet contain no active ingredients of any kind whatsoever (shock horror!)…..

…. and even the ones which include anesthetic creams and lotions to spray onto the penis do not solve the root cause of the man’s rapid ejaculation.

For while anesthetic products may slow a man’s ejaculation down – although a lot of the men I’ve spoken to over the years tell me that this doesn’t happen anyway – the usual experience of men using such products is that they  feel absolutely nothing!

I mean, for the sake of a minute or two of extra intercourse, for such a slight increase in staying power, is it worth it?

Especially when you’ll most likely end up with a penis which is very sore and irritated because of the inflammation caused by the chemicals you’re putting on the most sensitive part of your body.

Psychological or emotional factors as a cause of rapid ejaculation

To start with, what I  mean by emotional or psychological factors are things like

  • anxiety about sex
  • anger towards your partner
  • a lack of confidence in bed
  • and perhaps shame or guilt about sex from childhood experiences
  • or furtive masturbation during adolescence!

These explain the majority of cases of PE.

Young men come quick! Their lack of staying power, their inability to last longer in bed, is almost certainly the result of a lack of endurance.

Most young men ejaculate rapidly when they begin to have sex because they’re so excited, they’re inexperienced, and they’re very nervous.

All of these things cause the nervous system to fire nerve impulses very rapidly; this plus high levels of sexual arousal, forms such a powerful force that the young man has little chance of controlling himself when he enters his partner.

I think most men will understand this!

What’s perhaps harder to grasp is the fact that any high intensity emotion causes the nervous system to be primed and overactive even before you begin to make love.

That’s why even a little stimulation can make a man lose control of his ejaculation and give the impression he has not staying power. With PE he shoots his load too quickly. He’s just getting too aroused, too quickly.

So what’s the difference between men who have good control of their ejaculatory responses and men who cannot last long enough in bed?

I suspect that men who know how to last longer in bed don’t have many hangups or inhibitions about sex. They’re confident in their own sexuality, they’re confident with women, and they have a real sense of being in control during lovemaking.

And the good news is any man – YOU – can learn to increase stamina and increase staying power so you can control the physical response of your body to sexual stimulation.

You can develop ways to make your sexual arousal increase more slowly and stay below the point at which you will inevitably ejaculate.

You can learn to be confident during sex, simply by learning the techniques that allow you to pleasure your partner successfully.

You can learn not to get so turned on during intercourse by using masturbation exercises to train your body to slow down its response to stimulation.

For example, by pausing when you get near the point of coming, and repeating this several times a session, several times a week, for several weeks,with a clear intention to slow down your sexual responses, you will quickly develop much greater staying power and much greater endurance in bed. This means you have the ability to stay below the point of ejaculatory inevitability (which is colloquially known as the point of no return).

Some men with PE don’t actually know they’re going to ejaculate until moments before it happens.

This lack of awareness is because they’re not tuned into their body and the sensations that it’s giving them.

One of the reasons for this is that they’ve never learned to pay attention to their body during sex – their focus is somewhere else. Perhaps on taxes or baseball, trying to distract themselves from the mounting sense of losing control yet again!